


I Get Mean When I'm Nervous

by fudgelingzwodder



Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Gen, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Renegade Shepard (Mass Effect), Renegon (Mass Effect), Rite of Passage, Shepard is grunts mom, Sole Survivor (Mass Effect), Vanguard (Mass Effect), the first time i did this mission my first thought was wow this sucks for shepard
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-23
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-14 23:42:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28928982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fudgelingzwodder/pseuds/fudgelingzwodder
Summary: "Grunt observes the Commander, the Tank encouraging him to learn all he can about her. She is powerful, after all. A substantial threat if she ever decides to challenge him. So he watches, and he learns.Commander Shepard has a predatory glint in her eyes, and her smiles bare more of her teeth than those of the other humans on the ship. He wonders if she is unusual in that regard, or if the rest of them are simply showing deference to her. The second wouldn’t surprise him. The Tank murmurs about humans and their fragility, but Shepard is a force of nature. He sees the way she charges into battle, a flurry of biotics and rage, and even the Tank hums in approval. She shouldn’t be able to wield so much power, yet she does."Grunt learns about Shepard, before, during, and after his Rite.
Relationships: Female Shepard/Garrus Vakarian, Female Shepard/Garrus Vakarian/Tali'Zorah nar Rayya, Female Shepard/Tali'Zorah nar Rayya, Grunt & Female Shepard (Mass Effect), Grunt & Shepard (Mass Effect)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 28





	I Get Mean When I'm Nervous

**Author's Note:**

> Title is, again, from Mitski's "Cop Car." A view of the Rite, from Grunt's perspective.

Grunt observes the Commander, the Tank encouraging him to learn all he can about her. She is powerful, after all. A substantial threat if she ever decides to challenge him. So he watches, and he learns.

Commander Shepard has a predatory glint in her eyes, and her smiles bare more of her teeth than those of the other humans on the ship. He wonders if she is unusual in that regard, or if the rest of them are simply showing deference to her. The second wouldn’t surprise him. The Tank murmurs about humans and their fragility, but Shepard is a force of nature. He sees the way she charges into battle, a flurry of biotics and rage, and even the Tank hums in approval. She shouldn’t be able to wield so much power, yet she does. It confuses Grunt, so he observes more.

He sees the way she barks orders, the sharpness in her tone when she speaks to those outside the ship, but he also sees the fondness she has for her subordinates. No, not just subordinates. Her krantt. Shepard’s never obvious about it, but she looks out for them. She takes the colorful one coffee every morning, and when she’s too angry they spar in a light show of biotics until they’ve both relaxed. She sits with the drell, unusually attentive, and listens when he requests to speak with her. Somehow she even tolerates the dark-haired human, even though her position poses a clear threat to her command. (The colorful one tells Grunt that her name is ‘Cheerleader’, but he suspects she’s lying by the vicious grin that accompanies the words.)

Grunt is learning that she’s protective over all of her krantt, but especially over the turian and the quarian. (Garrus and Tali, he corrects internally. Shepard has asked him to try and learn names. Something about morale.) She stops to pick up guns or trinkets in the middle of missions for the sole purpose of gifting them later. Grunt watches as she gives the turian--Garrus--a new scope she had picked out for him, and sees the softness in her eyes as she watches him look it over. She personally goes through the limited selection of quarian-safe dextro foods to find options she thinks Tali will enjoy, even as the quarian herself laughs and protests that the standard nutrient paste is fine.

It takes a while for Grunt to realize that Shepard has started caring for him, too. It starts with little things. A new shotgun, a forced checkup with the strange salarian, a selection of books on dinosaurs and human wars showing up on his omnitool. He doesn’t realize the extent of it until she’s barking orders at the AI to get them to Tuchanka after he cracks the glass of the cargo hold. She stays with him until they arrive, hauling him to his feet once they do.

“C’mon, kid. Lets go get you fixed up,” she snaps, but her tone doesn’t hold the same venom as when she speaks to outsiders.

Garrus comes with them, of course. Tali looks unhappy about the situation, but doesn’t protest, simply exchanging a look with Garrus as the three of them depart. Grunt is busy trying to quell the rage burning in his blood, and Shepard seems to sense it. She stays by his side on the shuttle ride down, a firm hand clasped to his shoulder, and distracts him with stories about Earth animals she’s encountered. Garrus’s mandibles twitch in what may be a smile, but he doesn’t comment. Watching, as always.

Tuchanka isn’t what he expects. It’s dry, swirling with dust, and smells of centuries-old misery. At first glance he hates it, and then he’s overcome with shame for the very thought. He is pure krogan, and this should be his homeland. What was the human saying about books? He opens his mouth to ask Shepard, but she’s ushering him along, her stride strong and purposeful.

The clan leader--Urdnot Wrex, the tank supplies--is busy when they approach. Shepard cracks her knuckles menacingly at the guard, grinning her predators grin with too many teeth. Grunt’s breath catches in his throat. This is a fight she can’t hope to win--

“Shepard!” A voice shouts out, and her grin turns wider and more sincere. Urdnot Wrex shoves the krogan he’s speaking to aside, grabbing Shepard’s hand in a human gesture. Shepard tolerates that for a moment before throwing her arms around him, headbutting Wrex underneath his jaw. He spins her around as her laughter mingles with his. Grunt stares at them, then looks back at Garrus. He seems amused, giving Grunt a one-shouldered shrug in return.

“Hiya, Wrex,” Shepard wheezes when the krogan in question sets her down. She gives his arm a playful shove, and he laughs again.

“Shepard, my friend! Should’ve known the rumors weren’t true,” Wrex rumbles, grinning back at her. “As if the void could hold you. And Garrus, too. Figures he’d be with you.”

“Good to see you again, Wrex.” Garrus steps forward to clasp Wrex’s arm, and Wrex smacks him on the shoulder so hard he stumbles. This earns a laugh from all three of them. Grunt has no idea what to make of this. The three of them continue chatting as Wrex settles back on the throne, but he’s stopped tracking the conversation. Shepard and Garrus know Urdnot Wrex? Not only know him, but are well regarded by him. The Tank is just as confused as he is.

Shepard and Wrex have a conversation about him, which he contributes surprisingly little to. Uvenk contributes too much, if the murderous glare Shepard gives him is any indication. Wrex’s offer to him is both a shock and completely expected. Logically he knows that he is a great asset of superior genes, but after Uvenk’s reaction it’s nice to be welcomed. Well, given the chance to be welcomed.

Shepard folds her arms, looking between Wrex and Grunt. Her jaw is set unhappily, hands curling and uncurling like they do when she’s stressed. “It’s your call, kid. Not gonna take that away from you.”

Grunt pauses to consider. He’s never really been given choices before, not like this. Everything in the Tank, and much of what’s come after, has been him reacting to the circumstances around him. But now he gets to make a choice of his own.

He agrees, of course, and Wrex claps him on the back and sends them on their way. He makes a comment to Shepard that Grunt doesn’t quite catch, and she responds with a hand gesture that Jack’s been trying to teach him to translate to three fingers. Garrus just shakes his head when Grunt looks at him questioningly.

After everything that’s happened, Grunt shouldn’t be surprised when Shepard declares herself his krantt, but he is. She does so without hesitation, stepping up to stand beside him. When Uvenk dares challenge her, she grins her predator’s grin and headbutts him hard enough to hear a crack. Her forehead is bleeding, but she’s still smiling, and the shaman laughs.

“Let’s do this,” she laughs, eyes wild, and Grunt pounds his fists together in anticipation. Garrus sighs from where he stands behind them, but follows them out.

\---

The ride out to the grounds is long, and mostly silent. Garrus insists on examining Shepard’s head wound, which she barely tolerates after he threatens taking her to the salarian. Once he’s slathered enough medi-gel on her forehead to be satisfied, she turns to him.

“Alright, kiddo, you’re callin’ the shots once we’re out there. Garrus and I are your krantt, so you say the word, alright?”

Grunt blinks slowly at her. Giving orders to Shepard seems unthinkable, but Garrus is nodding at her side, so he nods in return.

“I will. Thank you, Shepard.”

She grins at him, eyes glinting, but he’s not afraid. She’s on his side. It’s their enemies that should be afraid.

True to their word, Shepard and Garrus wait for his direction. Grunt is so used to Shepard giving orders that he doesn’t realize he’s waiting for them at first. He catches himself, and tells her to activate the keystone.

The first few waves are exhilarating. Grunt is laughing as he charges at enemies, reducing them to pulp. Shepard fights like a Battlemaster alongside him, flaming biotics and gunfire, and it’s beautiful. Garrus covers their backs somewhere with his rifle. He doesn’t know how the turian can stand to miss out on the action.

Looking back, Grunt doesn’t know exactly when it started to go wrong. The ground shakes and he laughs, charging into the fray with his shotgun. Garrus is saying something over the comms, low and urgent, but he doesn’t hear him over the fighting. It’s glorious, it’s wonderful, and he knows the goal is merely to survive but he wants to destroy. So he fights.

Shepard isn’t by his side, and then she is, so suddenly it startles him. She isn’t smiling anymore. She fights fiercely, as always, but there’s a strange undercurrent to her movements. It takes Grunt a moment to place the emotion, the Tank whispering over his shoulder: desperation. Shepard is angry, yes, but underneath that she is scared. The thought chills him more than the thresher maw in front of them.

The thresher maw goes down, and Grunt’s roar of victory is swallowed by the low flying shuttle overhead. Shepard's head snaps to the sound, genuinely startled. Grunt doesn't know if he's ever seen her caught off guard before.  


“Looks like we’ve got company,” he starts, hefting his shotgun.

“Let them fucking try,” Shepard snarls, eyes wild in a way that Grunt has never seen. Her hair is coming loose from where she’s piled it atop her head, the thin strands sticking to her face. She isn’t smiling. Silently, he worries for her. “Oh, let them fucking try me right now--”

Garrus puts a hand on her shoulder but she shakes it off, rougher than she usually is with him, and stalks away. Grunt follows close behind, and Garrus lingers before bringing up the rear.

Uvenk is here. Again. Shepard is clearly seething, brimming with barely contained rage, but she still gives Grunt a choice. And, when he makes it, Uvenk doesn’t get the chance to say a word before she’s blown a hole in his chest with her shotgun. She slams a few more rounds through his headplate for good measure after he falls, the gunfire loud across the startled crowd of krogan. Well, krogan and Garrus.

“Anyone else have a complaint?!” Shepard yells, biotics flaring around her. Her eyes flash dangerously, teeth bared. Wisely, none of the other Gatatogs say anything. She holsters her shotgun, whirling on her heel. 

“Let's get the hell out of here.”

\---

Grunt can’t help sneaking glances at Shepard. She’s been off ever since they got back to the Urdnot camp. Her stance is as firm as ever, and she keeps her head high, but her eyes are cold and hard. She still isn’t smiling. Garrus is more visibly displeased, his mandibles tight to his face. He tries to say something to Shepard once or twice, but she ignores him until he stops. This isn’t right. Shepard never ignores her krantt.

“Y’know, we should probably say goodbye to Wrex,” Garrus says quietly as Shepard starts to lead them to the shuttle. “Let him know how Grunt did in his Rite.”

“I’m sure he already knows,” she retorts sharply.

“Shepard.” Garrus’s subvocals are doing something that Grunt can’t interpret. Shepard stares him down, and they share a long look. She finally relents, turning on her heel to head back into the camp.

Wrex grins when he sees the three of them walk up. “Your boy did well, Shepard. Did as well as me! That’s no easy feat, whelp. Congrats.”

Grunt looks at Shepard, waiting for her to speak. Her arms are folded again, gloved fingers rubbing against her forearms. She nods at Wrex, but stays uncharacteristically silent, so Grunt pipes up.

“Thank you, Clan Leader. It was an honor.” It feels like something he should say, but he glances at Shepard again mid-sentence. Wrex follows his gaze and squints at her.

“Ah, hell. Sorry, Shepard, I should’a--”

“Save it, Wrex.” Shepard’s voice is cold. “Wouldn’t have changed anything. Just wanted to let you know we’re heading out.”

“Right.” Wrex sighs heavily as he stands. He pats Grunt on the shoulder in passing, walking over to Shepard. 

“Well, you’d better come visit me sometime. Could use someone else to talk to besides these idiots.” He clasps her hand again, pulling her into a loose embrace. She goes stiffly, but doesn't shove him away. Wrex says something to Shepard that Grunt doesn’t catch, and she responds just as quietly. He thumps her on the shoulder as they pull apart, and she gives him a small smile before turning away. It doesn’t reach her eyes.

She starts back towards the shuttle, and Grunt moves to follow her, but Wrex stops him. Garrus lingers, eyes trailing after Shepard. 

“You claimed her as your Battlemaster, whelp?”

“Shepard has no match,” he repeats with a nod. Wrex laughs.

“Truer words have never been spoken. You take care of your Battlemaster, you hear?” He gives Grunt a smack on the shoulder before turning and pointing at Garrus. “And you, take care of our girl. Or else.”

“As much as she’ll let me,” Garrus replies dryly, and they both chuckle. Grunt doesn’t quite get it.

The shuttle ride back to the Normandy is too quiet. As soon as they dock, Shepard is out the door and to the elevator faster than Grunt can blink. He looks at Garrus, frowning.

“Something is wrong with Shepard. Is she ill?”

“Err, no. Not exactly. She’s--” Garrus hesitates, mandibles fluttering. “She’ll come see you later, alright? She just needs to rest. How about you go tell Joker what happened? I’m sure he’ll want to hear all about it.”

Grunt’s frown deepens, but he nods. He’ll make sure he sees Shepard later, no matter what.

**Author's Note:**

> Mass Effect is taking over my life. This is something else I've been picking away at for a long time and finally cleaned up enough for other people to read, lol. My first thought when I did this mission with my Sole Survivor Shepard was yikes, thresher maws. There'll definitely be another chapter, I just wanted to get this up! And yes, Grunt is my child, I don't care how tall he is.
> 
> I don't really have an interest in writing out word-for-word scenes from the game or redoing them completely, so apologies if the jumps between summaries and dialogue are jarring at all.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
